The Balm of Gilead

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A series of testimonies:

This series seeks to illustrate the significance of coming to God when you experience overwhelming fear and anxiety. This story brings together women who speak to their journey concerning this divine transformation through the Lord.

^{All names have been changed to protect the identity of the women.}

The walls were closing in. At that moment, her body would tremble at the thought of experiencing what she couldn't understand. Sleepless nights accompanied her fear of falling asleep to what she described as "something trying to take control of my body." The intrusive thoughts that accompanied her weary body made room for the darkness and the fear of the unknown to swallow her. To distract herself from these uncomfortable feelings, she would pray, word after word, she spat out the dialect she became accustomed to. Unbeknownst to the person she was actually praying to. "I prayed so much because I thought that the more I prayed, the more it would stay away. I thought the more I talked, the more the anxiety would subside. I succumbed to the anxiety, and I allowed it to control my life. I was led by anxiety instead of believing in God and trusting that what I am praying for has already happened."

As of three months ago, Megan, 29 years old and pursuing her Ph.D. in Economics, began experiencing panic attacks. She had not been aware of her condition until she began to educate herself on what it was.

Megan explains, "I was dealing with a group of things, procrastination, sleepless nights, feeling weak and exhausted, trembling, feeling like I never had control over my own body. Intrusive thoughts would accompany this. For example, I thought that if I closed my eyes at night, something terrible would happen, something would attack me. This thought came from an experience where one night I experienced a panic attack. It was horrible and terrifying as it was the first time I'd ever experienced something like that. I couldn't understand why it happened. That's when I decided to go see my pastor."

With the support and prayer of her pastor, she identified a vicious cycle. Megan explains, "I would overthink, then get fearful, then feel more anxious."   

As she received support from her pastor and a course he referred her to named "love says go," she started thinking about anxiety differently. She uncovered a new perspective grounded by the word of God.

Whenever we experience thoughts that put us in a negative space, we need to ask ourselves: How can we lean on what God says in order to positively alter our thinking?

Through this process, she drew closer to God and found hope. She practiced utilizing the word of God to challenge the heart of her anxiety, fear. Megan notes, "When we fear, we start to feel powerless and unloved by God. You want to be at peace, but you meditate on and give power to your fearful thoughts." Instead of giving power to her fearful thoughts, she draws on scripture to challenge them.

She commands her thoughts with scripture in the following way:

The year 2017 had resulted in a significant shift for Basetsana Dubai. She spent her morning preparing to write her final Biology exam paper, only to later be greeted by an unwelcome presence. When she came home from writing her exam, an unfamiliar man stood in her yard trying to steal from her family's home. He attacked her. At the time, her initial reaction was that this man wanted to rape her, so she fought; she fought for her life so hard that it ended up in her breaking a hand.

This traumatic experience had left her struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that threatened her sense of safety. "Dealing with the trauma of someone coming into your space, a space where you are supposed to feel safe. The place you run to when you see thieves, but instead, the thief was in my safe place," Basetsana explains.

She immediately left for University the following year without really dealing with the consequences of the traumatic event. She explains, "right after the incident, I wouldn't stay home alone. If I ever needed to stay home alone, I would hope always to have someone with me." Now that the world is slowly returning to functioning before COVID-19, everyone is going back to work. Basetsana notes, "after graduating from University, I am back home full time with no one being able to stay at home with me. This was when I realized home was in itself the trigger for my anxiety." She describes her symptoms, "it starts with my heart beating rapidly and fast breathing, it's almost like I'm gasping for air, and then, tears start streaming out." 

"I've been anxious since this incident happened in 2017, but right now, as I'm back home -back to where it happened, spending most of my time at home- I think that's when it reached its peak, and that's when I went to seek help. That's when I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder. I started going to therapy and implemented the coping techniques that I had been taught. I additionally use God as an anchor, and there are specific scriptures that truly help me."

Basetsana says that sometimes you don't need to understand what happened, and you don't need to question it; all you have to do is thank God and believe that he can get you through anything you face.  She believes that our help comes from God, and when we call out to him, he hears us, and he runs to our aid. "I'm very strict with my morning devotions and prayers. Even when I feel anxious, I say my prayer and affirm that everything is going to be okay because God didn't bring me this far to leave me," says Basetsana.

Basetsana explains, "God did not say that we will live a trouble-free life, but as a believer, we need to remind ourselves that God has not abandoned you in your time of need." As Psalms 46:1 mentions, God is "ever-present" even when facing difficulties; he will help us get through them. "With anxiety, you don't decide that you're going to be anxious; it just comes up in its crippling nature, but it's good to understand you're faith and who you believe in," explains Basetsana. When she starts to feel anxious, she declares, "God, I need you right now, take these feelings away from me. In doing so, affirm yourself that God hears you and will take you out of that negative space."

She notes the importance of prayer and scripture, as well as seeking support from her church community. "The church supported me by lifting me in prayer; it was such a tough time working through the trauma I experienced in 2017 and the anxiety that resulted from it. My church community kept on checking if I'm okay and if I need help." Basetsana explains that you have no idea how much it helps if you believe and have faith that your prayers will be answered. Anxiety starts in your head, your thoughts, and it's something God has given you the strength and power to control. She says, "knowing that I was being prayed for and everything was going to be alright helped me deal with my anxiety." 

Basetsana exclaims, "I know that I don't walk alone. I know for sure that when I have a rapid heart rate, heavy breathing, and tears running down my face, I know that God is with me." 

There is power in knowing that everything we face in life can be healed and restored by God. Every wound, every negative experience, anxious thought, and every worrying situation is an opportunity for him to reveal his hand in our life. This is a reminder that God is always with us, and he can rescue us from any situation.